Friday, December 02, 2005

new york cares (kids...)

I had seven faces thought i knew which one to wear
I'm sick of spending these lonely nights training myself not to care
the subway is a porno pavements they are a mess
i know you've supported me for a long time
somehow i'm not impressed

so a friend writes me one of those, 'what does it all mean', 'why are we here' and 'help me im lost in my own ass-hole' letters.

and im like, whoa there....WHOA.

you, sir, are asking the wrong person for some life advice. lets talk about how i worked in a bar after graduation. where dreams go to die. or we could discuss how massively in debt i am to various doctors and medical personel, despite having a really quality health care plan. (lets all give a big 'fuck you' to health care in the US). or we could even talk about how all my friends are getting married and having babies and i have a really smelly dog. i dont know what the average person's perceptions of success are, but im relatively sure im not hitting any nails on any heads.

granted, ive made a lot of positive changes. i got the fuck outta williamsburg. that, just by itself, pretty much sucked out all of my bravado. then i quit smoking. which might have been a shit idea considering all the time spent NOT DOING ANYTHING in the last couple months. i couldve smoked the shit out of some ciggarettes. but here i am and its somehow been 40 days since my last, delicious, cancer stick.

so i dont really know what im going to tell him.

maybe he would feel better to know that im just as lost as he is. or that everyone who appears to have their shit together is just faking. i mean, everyone has their various crises, neuroses etc. some people just hide it better. or they dont get drunk and tell everyone about it. like me.

i don't know. the only piece of advice thats ever made sense to me, or made me feel better about the flaming wreckage of my mistakes was,

'eat, drink and be merry, for tomorow we die'

in other words: fuck it.


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