Thursday, December 15, 2005

nadir

while there have been numerous low points in my relocation to new york, the city that chews you up, spits you out, and then makes fun of your mom, i have reached rock. fucking. bottom. i got fired today. i haven't even worked in this place for a month and i got shit-canned. Mere HOURS after i turned down another job because it would interfere with the first one.

did i mention new york is expensive?

and i am so fucked. i dont know what to do. i would cry myself to sleep or something but sleep doesnt seem to want to happen. and my dog smells so bad. like, not even funny bad. he literally cannot stop farting and the odor is so pungent and awful that all five of my senses are now miserable. thanks dog.

granted, it is pretty much my own damn fault i got fired. which is cool because im feeling the appropriate amount of self-loathing. you know. just in case there was any question about that.

i honestly dont know what the hell is wrong with me. why is it so fucking hard to find and keep a decent job that i like. days like this make me ashamed to go home. its like, 'hey dad, you know how you worked the same job for thirty years? oh yeah i dont do that. i got sacked in record time'. or 'hey mom, you now how youre beautiful and dont cuss and youre a really nice person? Have you, by any chance, read my blog?'

im alone and im lost and will somebody please pull me out of this really big hole. im too exhausted to pull on my goddamn bootstraps.

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