Tuesday, November 29, 2005

reasons i will not be working for you

1. your bar is just a front for your lucrative, mob-related money laundering business.
2. you insist i conserve and reuse rubber bands because they are oh so expensive.
3. during happy hour, you play the NIN version of "Hurt". HAPPY hour.
4. everything must be written in capital letters and all messages must be as brief as possible. ME TALK GOOD ONE DAY. I RETARDED.
5. there are more doors, levels and stairways in the annals of your establishment than in "Labyrinth". secret doors. secret mafia stairs. sadly, no David Bowie.
6. every door must be locked behind you. Even if you are still in the liquor room, counting liquor, the door must be locked behind you. so the mob doesn't get you. or "The Others".
7. you have shot measuring devices on your liquor bottles. you cheap fuck.
8. while interviewing me, you deride my old bar, make fun of its food, mock its ability to make a profit, while knowing full well that your bar is a stinking pile of feces with dead rats thrown on top and maybe a used condom.
9. your onion rings suck balls.
10. i didnt make any money


At 12/22/2005 8:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

FUCK that guy for dissing the leafe's food!
what the fuck does HE know about our profits?!!
you doing okay doozer?


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