Thursday, March 17, 2005

what i was doing.

while i was in the library this morning i kept a pretty close watch on the clock cause i had a paper due. yeah. my lazy ass went back to school.

so around 12:00, while i was freaking out about some paper and a stupid test, this kid across campus was busy killing himself. just a few buildings away and all. i thought, 'what a random time to kill yourself'. but maybe it wasn't random for him. maybe some really awful shit just happened. maybe he was really hungover. i certainly have entertained thoughts of self-murder while in the throes of a spectacular morning after. maybe he'd been anguishing over his decision for weeks, or maybe just the one night.

it doesn't matter i guess, but i can remember exactly what i was doing right before noon. i was looking at the clock thinking that if i didnt get my studying done before twelve, id just have to pack it in and start up on the paper.

and this is probably a dick thing to say, but im glad that ive gotten to the point in my life where im more afraid of delinquent assignments than of my own capacity for self-destruction.

i just wish the kid had given it some time and waited for things to get better. cause they always do.

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