Monday, October 11, 2004

the etiquette of pulling one's dick out.

there are many different stages of drunkenness, as well as different types of drunk.

you can be tequila drunk or red wine drunk, but theyre fundamentally different animals. examples of the types of drunken-ness one can achieve are: vodka drunk, boat-drink drunk, beer (we'll be here all fucking night) drunk etc.

general side effects may include:
tequila= the encrazyment of the drinker.
beer= the ability to maintain a sweet buzz, dude, for like 72 hrs. straight.
wine= attracting the guy who loves his nitrites. and his hangovers.

the stages of drunkenness are far more ambiguous, and sadly, they differ greatly between individuals, making it extremely difficult to document and predict the behavior of the drinker on a case by case basis. so i only want to mention one stage in particular, and the rest of the crap ive written has been building up to this.

the dick pulling outing stage.

it's genetic. like tongue rolling. or dimples. or that shit where your earlobes are attached or not. one parent might be recessive for crotch grabbing, while the other could be recessive for drunken assholitry. i feel that these genes are located on the same chromosome. so if those particular parents get it on, you have this little person with the potential for escalated crotch grabbing, exacerbated by a strong aptitude for getting real fucked up on brass monkey.

a genetic dick puller outer; dominant for the two recessive genes of 1)fondling oneself and 2)regularly attaining levels of inebriation that cause the subject to respond to all sensory stimuli by pulling one's dick out.

there's one in every bar. look for him. he will entertain you all night.

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