Tuesday, September 07, 2004

totally not dead yet.

i realize the lack of posting might signify that i am, in fact, quite dead. but fortunately i am not an old woman in the possession many, many cats that could possibly be feasting on my ripe carcass by now. god thats gross. sorry dudes.

i dont know. ive been a little busy. just a little. and ive come to a realization that my shit was not good. my shit was in fact awful. my karmic shit was of the genre of evil high school and all the misery that goes along with suck-bitch teenage years and angst. which is pretty re-goddamn-diculous when you think about the fact that i am twenty-fucking-four. and i like to use the word fuck. a lot.

so. this is me right before i go talk to my drug dealer. (drug dealer=psychiatrist...not even a little different from the weed and coke man, possibly a little less educated).

i dont want to fuck with the status quo. i like to have a schedule. i like it when things work and you dont have to think about them. its like typing. i dont have to look at the keyboard, and my fingers just do what i tell them to, and pretty words appear on the screen.

but thats not working anymore. i shouldnt be hanging out in closets and crying because my house smells like wet paint and crack-head. i shouldnt be avoiding my friends because they know something's up. there shouldnt be anything up at all.

but i guess there is.

so. im trying something new. thanks to the dealer. and i might sleep all the time. and im not sure its working. but sleep is good. and i think i am good. and i think by the time im old enough to stop being such a pussy, this wont matter because there will be so many anti-pussifying drugs out there, that ill totally be a normal person.

so here's to not being a pussy. some day.


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