Thursday, April 01, 2004

homicidal rage

or, ways to incite me to eat your face off.

1. learn my name for the sole purpose of repeating it ad nauseum, until you get your drink.
2. make me run your stupid fucking credit card for $3.29. and then come back ten minutes later thinking i will joyfully run it again.
3. tipping? is that a city in china?
4. "so...when are you gonna get a real job?"
5. "so...english...what are you gonna do with that? teach?"
6. "smile!"
7. not understanding that humans arent meant to wander around with huge, shit-eating grins on their faces, all the time. such phenomena only occurs in the realms of plastic surgery and clinical psychosis.
8. misunderstanding our relationship in the sense that as your bartender, you think i am required to listen to you drone on about the whoas that have befallen you. until i am compensated financially for filling the role of your psychiatrist, i will not pretend to be interested in your various neuroses.
9. being a lawyer.
10. immediately asking what the specials are. if dog-shit was on special, would you automatically order it just because it's cheaper?

and im just getting started.

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