Friday, April 30, 2004

dirty girl.

so this is how i learned about racism.

i shadowed my brother most everywhere because i thought he was the shit. more like obsessively stalked him. that is, until i figured out that he was a boy and boys are slimy and they smell bad and we should throw rocks at them and poke at with twigs.

i was being the usual hanger-on pain in the ass, and i followed my brother over to his friend mark's house. mark's sister was also there and she let me play with her barbies. so i became totally ensconced in this world of barbie-ness, with all the little clothes and the little shoes and the tiny little hot pink corvette with an anatomically correct ken, batteries included. and in walks a black girl.

i was three years old. barely. i can remember things about my crib, so its not that much of a bull-shit story that i can recall this.

i was afraid of her. i had never been in contact with a dark skinned person. either that, or i just didn't remember it. and it wasn't like, 'damn, that bitch is tan', because obviously there are other characteristics that make a person look black or white. i think it was the corn rows that got me. i was like, 'how does her hair grow in neat little hedges like that? i am afraid. somebody un-fear me. i am running away'. then i thought that maybe she had never taken a bath. because for certain, when i got that dark, my mom would snatch me and wash the potatoes out from behind my ears. i did not like it when she did that.

i was attempting to flee the scene, because i didn't want the dirty girl to touch me with her dirtiness, cause then i might have to take a stupid bath. i guess i was fairly vocal about my distaste for infectious dirt and baths, so my brother and mark and mark's sister tried to explain what the hell was up with black people. and that they weren't dirty. and that there was no need to be afraid of them.

too bad id watched 'star wars' about nine million, eight hundred and seventy-five times by then, and darth vader, the epitome of all that is über-evil, kept trying to teach me that black=bad. 'star wars' totally fucked with my nascent value system. dude was the blacking-est, blackety, black ne'er-do-well, and he so confused me with all his blackness.

eventually, i figured out that she wasn't scary or dirty and we all became the best of butt-buddies and all that hippie crap. its a good memory in the sense that it prevents me from being so quick to crucify ignorant thought-revoking people. but then again, i was like, three. in the event that you are 43, and choose to strap on a little white party hat and burn a cross in my front yard, i will not hesitate to fucking nail you to it. biotch.

i feel that i might recieve hate mail and/or death threats for this post. oh well.


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