Thursday, April 08, 2004

the boss

'at night i wake up with the sheets soakin wet, and a freight train runnin through the middle of my head...' ~bruce the springsteen

at least that motherfucker can sleep. im tired all the fucking time. but this tiredness never seems to prompt any essential, life-nourishing rest.

i dont really like going to sleep. once im all up in it, snoring and drooling, all is well. if im in a zone of narcoleptic sleepification, i can wake briefly and still doze right back to that dream where elephants are playing kickball with lollipops in some dali-esque locale. but i hate, hate, hate closing my eyes and willing the sleep to come. even if im on the edge of the sleep chasm. i dont want to fall in. i know it will be nice to relinquish control of my mental faculties for a few hours, and let my brain-patch regenerate itself. or something. but i still envision sleep as this free-falling state, and when you finally hit the ground, you wake up. im sure ive had coronary events as a result.

maybe i dont want to lose control. i feel vulnerable when im about to nod off. i find myself kicking tweakishly awake after five minutes. and somebody needs to fix that fucking elevator i keep dreaming about. how many times does a person have to plunge to their untimely death before someone will please fix the elevator.


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