Tuesday, March 09, 2004

the impressionable years: Part 2

my best friend the dog

the dog and i were evil partners in crime. or, really, he was my minion. i was clearly the brains of that outfit. we would play in the backyard for hours, and i would make up songs to sing to him while he would put his paws over his ears and be really bummed out. he would be minding his own business, sunning his ass, and i would creep up behind and scare the living bejesus out of him. dogs dont like that shit. especially dogs that think they're guarding their master's sanctum, and go ape-shit when the post-man shows up. and the mail guy totally hated the dog. he would have phantom dog-bite pains in his butt when he had to deliver our mail. that's how badass of a guard dog he was.

my favorite phrase became, 'the dog did it'. i think i learned to say that before 'momma' or 'dada'. priorities and such. and that ridiculous huge garden in our backyard became our playground of mischief. the dog was the epitome of all that is cool. so i wanted to learn how to dig just like him. i got on my haunches and started clawing at the ground, much like dogs do. this totally incited the dog to start digging like a bastard, and so we spent the day merrily digging away, until the backyard and garden looked like mutant gophers had had their way with it. parents: so not pleased. me: 'the dog did it'.

ever the insomniac, i would wake up in the middle of the night, not tired. of course, the dog would be more than ready to play. and play we did. i would climb on the dog. he would get pissed and shrug me off. i would climb on the dog again. he would gently and doggily remove me in his shrugging 'leave-me-the-fuck-alone-don't-you-ever-sleep-god-it-sucks-be-a-dog' way. totally patient and loving that dog was. especially since the game of 'climb on the dog' never, ever got old. he couldve totally wailed on me too. being that he was a larger than normal dog, of the 130 lb variety. 'climb on the dog' would inevitably last until some parent heard my high-pitched little girl giggles, and made me go back to bed.

the best part. the dog would totally murderdeathkill anyone who even thought about thinking about hurting my family. slay. maim. yet, was a cuddly little doughnut of dog when curled up on the end of the bed at night.

and when he got in the car, he would wait for us to strap the seat-belt around him. and we would be like, 'aaawww. he thinks he's peoples.'


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