Monday, February 23, 2004


me-ow. im24im24im24im24. for those of you who like punctuation, i'm 24.

so i went snow-boarding deep in the mountains of west virginia where they hate vegetarians with a passion rivaled only by their hate for russian-jewish communist immigrants. thankfully, we had an ex-russian commie with us, so i wasn't the most hated un-american on the mountain.

yes, i will take the burger without the burger in it. thank you. please dont tell McCarthy.

then god spake unto me and said, "thou must beget drunkenness and debauchery, for it is thy birthday, and with your lack of inebriation, i am not well pleased." and then he smited me repeatedly with goldschlager. which then facilitated a trip to the local dive bar in some long underwear and not much else. which in turn caused me to run at speeds one should not attempt to achieve while being smited by God, because he will then smite you all the more vigorously for being cheeky.

so then i sprained my ankle. and boarded on it for the next 2 days, cause i was like, fuck it. it is now a plethora of interesting colors and i shall take a picture and post it someday.

so then when i was boarding i hit some ice and smited my own head with a concussion. where-upon God laughed at me and his belly shook like a bowl full of jelly. where-upon he stopped bothering to smite me, since i was doing such a bang-up job of it myself. i'm reasonably certain he put gonasyphaherpiclap in the hot tub though. it burns when God pees on me.

truly, all the bases were covered this weekend. alcohol, imbibing nutella, running around like a jackass screaming, "MY MILKSHAKE, IT'S BETTER THAN YOUR'S, YOU FUCKING SLUT!", falling on one's ass whether drunk or no, using your birth certificate to gain access to bars because you have no fucking idea where your i.d. ran off too, trying to get into a fight with some dude and then making out with said dude 2 seconds later, and finally, calling the ex-boyfriend at 3:30 in the morning to notify him of how much ass he sucks and being fucking relieved when you realize your phone doesn't have service the next morning.

oy. and the little 8 year-old nazi bastards on skis that kept cutting my knees off. i could've really used some sharp pointy things sprouting from my board like that chariot in spartacus. that would totally show those little fuckers.


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