Thursday, July 13, 2006

you might live in nyc if

1) you refer to your dealer as your dealer
2) you order a coke and someone breaks out a baggy full of powder of indeterminate origin and youre like, no, motherfucker, im thirsty. this happens more often than not.
3) scarface starts to look like a pussy when you consider that party you went to in queens.
4) so many skateboards. so few people who can actually ride them.
5) you feel like you live in the cultural center of the universe but youre too lazy to do anything about it. like, go to a museum or something.
6) when you have a 4star hangover, you wish they would just deliver the food to your bedside. i would pay an extra 5 bucks for that.
7) eurotrash becomes a real albatross in your day-to-day life. (youre allowed to hate them. theyre just like rednecks. except they listen to kraftwerk and can out-sneer you.)
8) you trip over 8 million anti-america demonstrations a day. (which is fine but: if you are living in new york city, the capital of all of which you proclaim to hate, and youre enjoying its fabulous teat of neverending milk and honey and yayo, and you have no intention of ever leaving, i invite you to be sucked into a big black cavernous hole of shut-the-fuck-up. you are a hypocritical pile of walking abortion.)
9) lindsay lohan walks by and your like, whatever.
10) rudy giuliani walks by and you shit your diaper.